Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Reader's Response: Sexuality Concerns

I think that with this question it is important to remind people that I don't judge anyone. I take every question or every concern with the utmost respect and you can always feel free to ask me absolutely anything. I'm your safe zone because everyone fucking needs one sometimes.

My wife would like to try [pegging]. Does this have any hidden meanings about sexuality? Is she trying to tell me something?

I can't decide if you're asking if you should be concerned that she is bisexual or if this will effect your sexuality in anyway. Either way, the answer is absolutely not. Pegging has no bearing on anyone's sexuality. Straight men are still straight. Straight women are still straight.

Two things to note:

Pegging can be very empowering for women. It is a nice power exchange that allows the woman to take control and can be paired with strong fem-dom play or it can just be very sensual role reversal.

I know straight men and women who absolutely love it*. I'm an advocate for it and I would be happy to walk anyone through getting into it and set up with it.


Why are people so afraid of the fluidity of sex and sexuality, anyways?

*I also know bisexual, bi curious, and gay men and women who love it but that is obvious. But there are gay men that don't like it, for what its worth. Like I said... it isn't sexuality based. 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

You Did What in Public?

I try to make it a point to go to the different fetish parties around town each month. So I went again. And it may classify as one of the best ones yet, at least for my personal experience.

First you have to know, vainly, how absolutely stellar I looked. I had picked up a fetish corset piece. It isn't a real corset and just something for fun and a vinyl mini-skirt. I honestly felt drop dead gorgeous.

The high that I felt from feeling that beautiful was only bolstered by the rest of the evening. I approached a friend at the party; she is a wonderful woman. I asked her if she would be willing to do a scene with me at this party and she agreed. I was ecstatic.

An hour later, I found myself on a stage, in nothing but my lace panties, being cuffed to a huge wooden suspension rig in front of a bar full of people. Cue one of the most amazing experiences of my life. From there came the blindfold, the breast torture, and the public lashings. If I had had any doubts before I left that house that day about who I was really becoming, it all floated beautifully away with each hit as I became soundly and profoundly a version of myself that I loved.

And as the orgasms came (pun intended, you see), I was held up by the cuffs, caught by warm hands, and tenderly cared for as my head was somewhere off in the subspace and my body was just a pile of pretty squishy mush. And as I flittered around in the arms of my friends and caregivers, I heard the most wonderful compliments about how great it was to watch or that I was a beautiful bottom and so on. The high from that experience was unprecedented, unimaginable, and totally blissful.

If I am honest with myself, when I left the house that night wearing that outfit, I thought to myself the me from 5 years ago would not recognize the me from today. But I love the person I am becoming. The person who is okay with her sexuality. The girl who is okay helping others with their sexuality. The woman who feels empowered by her own strength.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Didn't I Say Crushes Aren't for Me?

So I haven't said much since I decided to be all bold and shit about being in like with [Lex Luthor]. I mean frankly, what else is there to say on the matter? Not much. But you see, I have been busy being a whiny bitch about whether or not he is thinking about me, what did the other night mean for him, etc. I have gotten on my own last damn nerves; I'm sorry if you're in my immediate vicinity and have to put up with me.

Now that I said that...

It doesn't get the rest of you off the hook.

There are lots of people who talk to me on the daily and read this blog; single people, poly couples, open couples, gay couples, kinksters, etc. That means that you guys, some of you, understand. So here I am. Looking to you for advice. It has been a long damn time since I've not known what to do.

This "crush" or whatever you might prefer to call it has resulted in a self-induced dry spell. There are definitely people that I want to bang, but none of them hold a candle to my interest in him. None of them are fulfilling what I want right now.

And I don't like that.

All because my brain decided to produce an inordinate amount of dopamine for this boy, I have made an ass out of myself by wearing my heart on my sleeve and I haven't had sex in almost two months.

Can you turn these off in your brain? Can you consciously say stop thinking about it (because really that just makes you think about thinking about him)?

I would like for this message from our sponsor to be over so I can return to my regular scheduled programming (until, if ever, he's ready)...if you catch my drift.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Crushes & Why They're Not For Me

I recently read a blog post about crushes that happened to mesh pretty fucking well with thoughts that were already inside this pretty little mind of mine. If by mesh you mean I think that it is totally wrong and I can completely explain why.

The post was about crushes. You know why they're called crushes? Because when they don't work out, your heart is crushed. It is ashes. Mother fucking crumpled and pitiful ashes.  The author of the post says that they believe in the obligation-free crush.

My crush is my own. It's nice if we share a mutual attraction, but even if you show no interest in my pudding-like physical form, I will still hang out with you. This isn't a contract where I will only do nice things for you unless you promise to smooch the hell out of me; no, we are friends, and while my friendship may be laced with a bit of intoxication over the idea of smooching you, I value your actual presence over my daydreams.

This, I can say, is true.

If you truly have the obligation-free crush, this isn't going anywhere. Even the revelation of a mutual attraction may not necessarily lead to hot bedside smoochenatings, as all mature adults understand that "Attraction does not equal automatic coupling." I'm attracted to any number of people who, in a vacuum, would probably warm my nethers...

Alright, this is not true...for me. Actually, it is this point right here that has me so discombobulated over the whole situation that I can't even see crooked because the world is spinning.

First, let me say I prefer to call it like over a crush. Okay, I like  someone. I am in like with someone. I had crushes in fifth grade. Now it is a little more serious.

But I would rather not like anyone. I don't want to be in like. I don't like being in like. It is scary.

I get attracted to a lot of people. Male or female. I can want to fuck as many people as I can handle but that is where I like for it to stay. It is easier for me. Easier for me than what happens when I like someone. In fact, it is such a big deal that I haven't actually liked anyone for nearly 8 years. Not like this. Not in a way that he feels so wonderfully inviting, safe, and like home but these emotions feel dangerous. I feel vulnerable.



I don't like it.

In fact, I can't fucking stand it.

Crushes hurt. Liking people hurts. It isn't beautiful and hopeful like "love". It is raw, confusing, and uncertain. It is a bunch of "Are they thinking about me?" and "Goddamit, I can't stop thinking about them!" with some "Should I look nice? Should I shave my legs? Is this enough cleavage?" thrown in just for added insecurity.

But I will take it all. Because I don't have a choice in the matter.

I know you're probably not reading this, but [Lex Luthor], I like you.

Friday, August 22, 2014

PSA: I'm Not Just Sex

So you're here and you're reading this blog; that means you know I have sex. You know I like talking about sex. You may not have known until this very moment that I now work in the sex industry (no, I'm not a porn star or a prostitute). I mean I fucking love everything this is about sex. It is beautiful, passionate, and pleasureful; what isn't to love? I enjoy making people feel comfortable with their bodies and their sexual identities.

But here is a little run down of how to behave when you meet me and/or my comrades:

1) Do not disrespect us. When I am on this blog I am sassy and honest. When I am work I am professional. But above that, I am human.

2) I will walk you through my most wicked fantasies. I will help you work through your own. That doesn't mean I will play through any of them, at all, with you.

3) I want you to ask me questions and confess your inner most fetishes with me. I will respect you and not judge you, I would like the same.

4) I actually have a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology. I like the way people interact, I like watching them. That also means that I am intelligent and that I have other interests to provide a potential mate than a hot twat.

There isn't just one reason that this needs to be said, and it is kind of pathetic that it needs to be said. I have had no negative responses like I was prepared for. I was prepared for slut-shaming and whore-slandering. But what I got was a call to lose my standards and consistent disrespect. I'm human and you are too.

I won't stop writing and I won't stop talking. More importantly, I won't stop fucking. And that takes away the bully power. I'm just me and I'm happy with it.

Image Credit: Pinup Bombshells

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Fetish Confessions: Vampire Bill


The best part of this fetish confessions feature is that the person on the other side is human. Pure and genuine human. That means each one has a little bit of a different flare and a style to it that is all its own. Today's confession is from someone I've dubbed as Vampire Bill. Not quite southern but a hell of a gentleman with a penchant for biting, fits the bill (pun intended). Vampire Bill is going to share his story and then we dive into the psyche for a deeper look at the fetishes.

Fetishes: thigh highs, boots/socks, biting

A little background. In my early twenties, I had a relationship that lasted until my late 20's. This was the love of my life. Before her I only had sex with one person (which was a one night stand). I had done other sexual things with other girls before that, sure, but sex was still new to me. We had great sex early on in the relationship, but over the years it became less. I proposed to her. We were engaged, we were living together. Then it seemed like the sex just dried up. Not for my lack of trying. She even started sleeping in another room.

So what did I resort to? My old standby; Ms. Thumb and her four daughters and porn. Internet porn. The stuff I grew up on the internet with since I was 14. I had a pretty big collection. I knew what I liked, what got me off; hentai, futanari stuff (japanese anime girls with both parts), furry stuff (because cat girls, AMIRITE?) and even regular porn.

When she found it, she was mad and said I was disturbed and needed to seek counseling for my "porn addiction". She made me feel really bad about what I was looking at, but at the same time... we had not had sex in a year! We ended up canceling the engagement because in the end I realized I didn't have the problem.

We broke up, I moved on. I've had first date sex, I've been trying to find the sexual me. The one that didn't get to play much in my 20s.

Whew. That was a ramble. And I haven't even talked about the fetishes yet.
__________________________________________________________________

So why boots/thigh highs? I guess partially because of me liking anime from my early teens? The thigh high socks always do it for me. I don't know why they are so sexy. A nice long pair of legs is incredibly attractive to me, and combined with knee high boots or socks... I am instantly turned on. With the boots I think it shows a naughty side, alternative, it's just hot. I wouldn't lick boots or anything like that, I just think it looks amazing.

I feel the same way about boots. I like the dominant feature they give me while wearing them and I think they're generally sexy. I have broken both pairs of my boots in by having sex while wearing them. It is remarkably attractive. Is it just the aesthetic of looking at boots or does it involve the leather? What about leg worship or a foot fetish? 

To me leather boots, or high socks is more of an aesthetic thing to me. While I do like sexy legs, I am more of a breast man myself. I've never had a foot fetish, like sucking toes or licking them. For me it's a cleanliness thing, they'd have to be clean for me to do that haha. Although that sounds weird, sex can get dirty sometimes and I am ok with that.

Sex can get a lot of things, dirty just being the obvious! But what about biting? How did you find out about that? One time it just happened to me where I got nipped and I liked it. A little pain with pleasure. I know I've gotten aggressive and nibbled a bit. It's more of an "in the act" thing. If they like it, go for more, if they don't I back off. A lot of things can happen in the heat of the moment.

When it comes to biting, there are a variety of levels to say the least. How hard do you like it? If it's hard enough to leave a bruise that's too hard for sure.

To me, my preference is a nice bruise on the inside of the thigh. A hidden reminder. It's one of my favorite things.

How do you handle telling other people about this? If you have chemistry with someone and they are not into it or unwilling to try?
Well, the last time that happened it ended an engagement for me. On some level they have to at least respect what you like. And if you can't get it from them, I think they at least need to understand you can get it from porn every now and then and NOT get mad at you for still liking it. 

Do you think that it only needs to come from porn or are you into the idea of open relationships?

If I am in a committed relationship and love the person and they don't want to do a specific something that I like sexually, I would turn to porn. While I haven't been in an open relationship while dating someone, I have seen what it can do to some relationships, even if both parties agree to it. Jealousy is a big factor that comes into play. I knew a couple who got married, after a few years they weren't filling each other's needs and they turned to open relationships. One got jealous of the other and they grew further apart and eventually got divorced. They are both still friends of mine and she confided in me what had happened.

I'm not opposed to an open relationship, but I would tread carefully. I know myself well enough that I could get my feelings hurt or become jealous.

Communication is key. It is key in absolutely everything we do. And while life can get complicated, good communication can at least resolve issues even if it means just ending them but in a strong, neutral/positive way. It is why I love these confessions so much. They communicate and create a level of understanding. I hope they always will.

I admire that you can freely put everything out all out there so to speak. And thank you for offering an anon solution to those who don't want everything all out there.


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Reader Response: Hard Limits

What are your top three fetishes that you won't do?


Hard limits.

What are my biggest hard limits?

To be honest, I don't know if I would have known them until recently when I did a BDSM checklist to help me understand more about myself, my desires, what I wanted to experience, what I wanted to do to others, and what the difference between a soft and hard limit is.

But I have done that list, so I do know them.

#1: Anything related to bathroom functions. I know that encompasses a lot of them but this includes scat, watersports, diaper wearing, etc. If it is something that happens in or around a toilet, count me out. Smells, textures, germophobiness, its all just going to do more than turn me off. I promise. The one thing to note is that I have always been willing to pee on someone, but generally its a mutually reciprocal thing and that doesn't work for me. But is it is my hard limit, not yours.

#2: This...is a hard limit for life. Because I fucking hate the thought of it: DENTAL WORK. I mean, I can't even think of how that would be sexy. I would dead. Like actually dead because my heart just imploded. I hit the floor when I barely chipped a tooth. I can't. I just cannot.

#3: This one is a little more abstract. I don't like to do things that make me feel unsexy. If something physically is effecting the way that I look (i.e. fire cupping & gas masks) and makes me feel weird and awkward, the scene is broken. The magic is gone. I love my body and I love feeling sexy. I'm a wild woman when I feel sexy. I love sensation, pleasure, and pleasing but take away that sexy and that confidence and I'm done. It is why I struggle with rope even though I love it so much.

Well there, that is a hell of an interesting look into my psyche.